Wednesday, January 30, 2008
me; the absolute epitome of "THINKING TOO MUCH"it just occurred to me suddenly that my heart is thumping ever-so-furiously after i managed to solve one of my brother's A.math questions. It's been a year or so since i last experienced it (if i remembered correctly, it was during the release of A level chinese results and i was almost breathless).
Sounds ridiculous of me to get nerved up over one trivial A. math question but that's NOT THE POINT. Something is seriously wrong with me, i think. I tend to get pressurize by lil' lil' things in life. This, i believe, bogs down to the ever increasing competitive society that we lived in:
"IF YOU ARE NOWHERE ABOVE THE BENCHMARK; OUT YOU GO! "
My mentality- the ultra-kiasu kind. If i can solve an easy A.math question BUT if it took me more than 1 minute to solve it, i will feel that i am not up to mark and start feeling guilty and worried about other aspects of my life. Alot of "What ifs" question keep popping and fading away, making me stressed up and full of anxiety.
- I know this is not good for my health.
- I know everyone of you must be thinking that i must have gone NUTS or what after A levels.
- I know this is simply RIDICULOUS.
- I know this is simply ABSURD.
- I know things that you know......
After writing so much stuffs, i know that the next thing i am going to worry about is my "A" level results.
Too early to even think about it? I dont think so.....
Plan B- i am working on it now...
posted by Pepsi on 9:40 PM
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Monday, January 28, 2008
All of a sudden, i am so sadden by my life right now. Yes, you've guessed it right. it's work that makes me so miserable, so distraught.No, there's no office politics i swear- at least i am not the one who is involved in it. =) Colleauges are good and friendly... Its just that i think i aint getting anything back from work. Everything seem so bleak and mundane to me.
Really... seriously, i want to spice up my life. This is totally driving me nuts! No way am i going to sit down there and stare blankly into the cold, unfeeling laptop screen of mine for 8 straight hours!
Whats worst is the very fact that i have to fake infront of my bosses. Take for instance, when you are uber free and have nothing to do, you STILL HAVE to pretend AS IF you are fcuking busy of sorts. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME? Not that i am super enthu in doing work; its just that i think back-end office work is not my cup of tea. I'd prefer more interaction with clients (no, dont get me wrong, no tele-marketing) and meeting up discussing about some BIG BUSINESS.
WHAT I MEAN IS SIMPLY..... BUSINESS.
You know? The kind whereby everyone goes for a game of golf, sipping some espresso by some high-class cafe, get that damn piece of paper signed and JOB DONE. Sounds easy huh? But i know it takes one to be really good and professional with the way they relate to the customers and be confident when they speak.
What have i got? Nothing that i know of.
This, is really saddening.
Seems like i've fallen back to ground zero where i've to brace up and fight for what i really want. I've got to start from somewhere. And here, i mean NOW, is the SOMEWHERE.
sigh....
After so much rantings, i know that afterall, all i want is just happiness and satisfaction........
Dont you agree with me?
posted by Pepsi on 10:17 PM
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