Anything that moves

Friday, April 28, 2006

i really wanted this post to be a cheerful one. i had every intention of posting some amusing anecdote that happened this week or random funny stuff about cts. but i just cant bring myself to do it, and i'm sorry.

everyone seems to have something to be depressed about lately. this isnt directed at anyone at all but it's just a general observation everywhere. i dunno but it just seems to me that everyone has the usual teen problems. appearences, insecurities, dont-like-that-person etc etc. right now i just cant help smiling wryly because if these were the only stuff i had to worry about, then i'd probably be a lot more sane haha.

they say that living a good, honest life while minding your own business is what's most important. well i've never heard bigger bullshit before. it certainly got my mum nowhere. and trying to lead that kind of life certainly isnt getting me anywhere. i dont wanna blame my mum, i dont wanna blame anyone. i just wish that i wasnt being used as an avenue for pent up frustration to be released.

i think everything just boiled over today when i completely bombed physics. i've never ever gotten anything below a C for any physics examination in my life and boom i'm probably gonna fail this. no no, its not probabaly, as a matter of fact, i got 5/30. everything that could go wrong did. and having a mental block didnt help things at all. just couldnt think. too many things to think about...

if i dont do well for cts, then i prob cant get a spaper and there goes potential scholarship. means that we have to bear the full financial cost of education. which only means nus. and since the only course in nus that remotely interests me is medicine, if i dun get that then i'll have to do something i have no interest in. brilliant way to kick off adult life.

gawddamnit i'm trying my best. i dun blame my mum for anything at all because of all she's been through. i try my best to go for class gatherings or other parties, but sometimes i just cant and it's not because i'm antisocial. i'm sorry if i seem miserly, but i need that status. i'm sorry if i'm cynical about life or bitchy but sometimes i just cant keep myself from doing it. i want to shun all this away and smile and return to that cheerful bubbly dude we're all familiar with but.. well..

i dont care what people say. someday i'm gonna break from all this and leave. and somehow i'll succeed. to become famous. powerful. laugh all you want now. someday. somehow. i'll do it. i'll find a way.

or i can just die broken.

-down with a flu- duh~

posted by Pepsi on 8:21 PM
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Thursday, April 27, 2006

life is like doing laundry; if u don't put in effort to separate the coloreds from the whites, don't complain when what goes in comes out radically different.

what you reap is what you sow. i suppose you all know this, that's why you're cramming your sad mugger ass off. but beyond that, sometimes, why do we still insist on sowing the seeds when we know that a huge flood will come by to wash away all our efforts? admittedly, i am a stupid farmer. knowing so well that there will never be any yield, i nonetheless insist on toiling on the fields. i never thought of myself as wise, but now that i take a step back and realise that i've all along been planting on cold, grey concrete, i've never felt more foolish. yet, chillingly, if you asked whether i'll put away the rakes and spades now, i'd be lying if i claimed that i would.

i am guilty. i am such a letdown to my econs teacher. i shant do it next time.

posted by Pepsi on 6:24 PM
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

mmmm gossip. what would my life be without gossip? XXX likes YYY but YYY likes ZZZ, while ZZZ is smitten with XXX. AAA likes BBB but BBB likes AAA and CCC while CCC frankly doesn't give a damn. not that any of these strange love triangle scenarios are real since my rather limited social circles aren't (as far as i know) anywhere near as happening as this. i wouldn't be bored enough to come here and blog if anything half as interesting as this actually occurred.

anyway, what i meant to say was that blogs are pivotal to my very existence because they are major suppliers of juicy tidbits and other scandalmongering essentials, even with their stunning lack of complicated love triangles and rectangles and hexagons. i really can't imagine why my peers don't engage writing more complicated courtship situations like crane dances or peacock displays, it would make life so much more interesting. i mean if even animals can come up with stuff like that (even penguins have lives exciting enough to be made into movies!), surely we higher level beings should be able to lead slightly more soap opera-ish lovelives right? clearly, as you can see, i am a Grade A gossip addict, and i need to get a weekly fix or i'll go into withdrawal and suffer long debilitating spasms of boredom and dismay which would have an extremely dampening effect on my promos and you, my gentle loving friends, wouldn't want that to happen now, would you?

so please, i beg you, do not stop blogging! do not let the weighty pressures of mugging prevent you from coming online to give this voyeur his daily newsbite! heed the cry of this desperate busybody and give him something to look forward to! do not stop blogging.

when the blogging stops, the breathing can too and you don't want to be responsible for my death, do you? on second thoughts, please don't answer that :( :( :( i'm afraid i won't like the answer.

posted by Pepsi on 9:29 PM
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

i think tomorrow we will be getting our physics lect test back..the one which supposedly 4/5 of the cohort failed. Lol exciting. Doesnt matter.. I am sure Mr. Koh will be all nice about it..since well he is the "best" physics teacher I ever had! And not just me.. people from other classes agree too- haha

i shall reply notes. i havent done that in quite awhile.
-andrea!! HAHA. yes, i'm jealous! omg, i am soo jealous. i wish i could've been there too! but its darn wrong. cannot cannot. haha
-engkian thank you! for helping me submit my PI.
-chunyu, thank you for shortening my PI, and talking crap with me. i REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT alot. haha

speaking of PI, i am so proud of myself. i'd been delaying it cause i was engulfed in my mp3-ing, and i managed to complete it in about an hour or so? moreover, i ended up with 760 words, so i spent time after that trying to cut it by 260 words to be exact. sighhhhh- i hope that MAN isnt too picky if i overshot by a bit. really, CANT CUT IT ANYMORE. PLS...

yay!!! i am so happy, jenn ( my bestest buddy back in sec sch) aka "ahlian", is going to club with me- dont know why i'm especially happy that she's going, but ah well.. maybe its just that she's one of my bestie?

posted by Pepsi on 8:36 PM
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Monday, April 24, 2006

Today was an okay day. Oh and I am no longer a 'club' virgin. In the sense that I've been in before and stuff, but then again I'm too shy to dance so ha. I don't know what constitutes the true clubbing experience. Anyway, doubt I'm really into it. The music pounded so loudly the glass felt like it could break.

I'm big fan of caramel, or fudge.And how happy was i to be able to own it. Haha. Though today wasn't as high and happy as yesterday, with a traditional authentic lunch, superlovelycompany of people that are in my fave people list! Or the day before with oh love! and a good shocking phone call. Haha. Even though yesterday ended after midnight with me being too sleepy to comprehend myself properly. I think today's only like this because well, I had to do work. And work is always a bummer. And like continuous bad communication. And a lousy bland lunch which felt like plastic.

gotta get my butts off to do my hmwk! YAY- a long weekend is ahead of us. WOOOOO~

posted by Pepsi on 7:50 PM
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