Saturday, March 04, 2006
post event trauma.
i have come up with yet another personal goal in life. you know how sometimes you browse through pictures you stored on your computer while listening to some five for fighting or craig david song and the memories and fun times of the time when you took the picture just floods you with emotion? i want to be able to convey that emotion with the same intensity through words. pictures and music have an extraordinary quality when mixed together, and i want to achieve something to that effect through nothing but words.
btw the i was scanning through the 4/9 (2005) nad innova (1st 3 mths) pictures.
cheerleading competition at ntu was awesome, not that i participated. those songs were great and the stunts those teams carried out were wayyyyy complicated. (i wonder how they did it, sometimes.) well, although innova didnt manage to qualify for the finals, its alright ok??? you guys did well. all the way! go, fight, shine! cheesy. haha
don't think. feel.
posted by Pepsi on 8:06 PM
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Friday, March 03, 2006
... then you gotta breatheToday was slightly, ever so slightly better than yesterday.
I can't focus on things very well, I'm very short of breath, I'm feeling like i'm anxious... but a different type of anxiety. It's really strange. I just feel drained, like something is not right. it might be that of JAE posting results i reckon'. seriously, i dont want to stay in innova not because of the friends there but its more likely due to that its nt that establish.
i want to do well in a lvls. and i will do it.
I'm not afraid though, bring it on.
ijc to pjc.
posted by Pepsi on 6:17 PM
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Thursday, March 02, 2006
dreams dashedis it possible to feel anger, calm-okay, abject sadness, mild annoyance, and very badly like crying all at once? then i must be so tired. for i've been running through the above gamut of emotions crazily, second by second throughout the past week. and i don't know where all this energy originates from.
all along, i have always wanted to get into a certain sch (for those who are close to me, you know what i am talking about yea). but unfortuantely, due to the mishap during my o lvls, i didnt manage to attain that kind of results that i had been dreaming of. that sch, though for all the student's differences, they have the same blood, adrenaline pumping through them, and stood unwavering, dead loyal to that sch.
the general atmosphere in that sch also sits very nicely don't you think? i can't help but long for the laid-back, relaxed kinda feel around the school, especially at the void deck(incidentally, my crashing to that school may have contributed to abovementioned 'feeling' but anyway haha.) in retrospect, the sch just exudes such a warmth, thanks to the environment there.
i wonder how long more it'll take to wean myself off this "childhood", of the past thing. all the reminders to enjoy school then from good-natured grownups take on a whole new meaning now(couldn't for the life of me comprehend what they were talking about then). ha, growing up.
i shouldnt be dreaming abt that- i dun have that capacity to fit in there.
unbothered. despised.
posted by Pepsi on 7:43 PM
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Wednesday, March 01, 2006
It is said that every dog has its day, but today just isnt one of those days.
I swear to you, this blog entry would be a whole lot worse if I didnt chat with haikel before I typed this. So now I am feeling better in the head and lighter in the heart. :D
My mom told me that ever since I have entered JC, I have been looking moody all the time. Apparently I was much happier in secondary school and now I am just moping around- I think she is right la...
Hahah then in that case, my mask that I wear to school must be damn good la. but anyway I feel that I shall change myself to become the man i ought to be. Some faces are meant to be spat upon and some tails are meant to be stepped upon AND if i have to do all this to ensure that they get the message, so be it. Enough is enough and truth be told, I have had it already.
What's the point in being angry with people when they don't know you are angry with them? They will just keep on going around and hurt people, though most likely they will say they did it unintentionally. So I am not about to fucked around with anymore..
Bunch of fuckers.
posted by Pepsi on 10:53 PM
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Tuesday, February 28, 2006
today.....
was the single most tiring day of my life. So eventful. Made a new friend, made a new 'enemy', lost a friend ( i think), a breakup, a repatchment, lots of crying, a gangster of a friend, crashing pjc, being caught, a hell lot of inspiration for flourishing.
Life is great.
posted by Pepsi on 4:50 PM
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Monday, February 27, 2006
since im free to blog, and since my counter keeps (ahem) jumping, and since i FEEL like blogging, therefore i shall blog. and make sad people happy.however, nothing in this world is free. to ensure that you can continue to have your daily dose of happiness, please donate generously here ! to keep this blog alive. just kidding la. no sense of humour one you.
to sum up recent events and upcoming events,
-- ntu duathlon 2006 was over, and i did my personal best for 10 km(37 mins) and 5 km(26 mins) respectively! cool! YEAHBABY.
-- ntu vertical marathon is coming up- woots.<---RED ALERT
-- singapore biathlon!- oh wth. haha<--- RED ALERT
omygod la. this time theyre holding it in march instead of april. means im 1 month unprepared. help!!!!! moths are flitting in my stomach. but i guess play for fun la.. dont expect to win anything this time.. not really. of course i want to do well in it- so exciting. but ive really deteriorated like a person who hasnt swim for 30 years(??) .. since my pri sch days.
actually i also dont know what to do. everyone keeps telling me to "quit" (my dad and mom. ..basket) but of course i wont. like try to stop breathing maybe? okay it isnt that bad.. but i like it alot and dont want to stop. but i guess i'll take a month's break after biathlon and hopefully i'll get better then..if i dont get better then. too bad. but then again.. my leg is really crucial. i know i dont want to hurt like my body's on fire every time it rains when i get old.. i dont want to live the rest of my life with a useless leg.. but i do know that i dont want to give up running till after jc- how?
decisions, decisions.
posted by Pepsi on 5:41 PM
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